If you are one of those women who is constantly facing the frustrating challenges of having a lazy husband, then we have some interesting observations, findings and tips for you. And mind you, these so called ‘tips’ can be very effective sweet and practical solutions for you, if you bring them into play at the right place, at the right time. For now, you’d definitely be mumbling-
Why Are Husbands So Lazy?
Well, this question has its answer rooted in our traditions and culture. Men, as boys, are often raised as domestic duds, used to getting everything done by other – his mother then and his wife- you- now. Overindulgence during childhood is basically the reason that your husband may want a clean house, but expects you to do it. If you have kids, he might behave like the youngest of the lot, not knowing how to take care of himself, let alone the family.
And then there are husbands who want everything perfect- a perfect house, impeccable conduct, and high standards of behavior – but his mind is plagued with the shackles of old-fashioned views for a wife. And he expects her to be perfect in the sense of the word, leading her to a world of anxiety and further to depression.
Or a husband could be playing the role of a bully, laying on the sofa the entire day, watching truckloads of DVD’s and shouting and commanding for things to be done. And in a bid to avoid ugly conflicts and arguments, a wife gives in, much to the delight of the lazy man. Some husbands simply do not help around because they do not know how to. They have traces of low self-esteem running through their personalities and will just sit on a couch, worrying about everything getting done, but not lifting themselves up.
So, the root cause of a lazy man – his upbringing. If your husband has one of the above mentioned traits, chances are he has been raised like that, and has most likely modeled after his male family members. But now he is with you. And you’d surely like to inculcate a sense of responsibility and entitlement him. And this is where we are going to help you! Below are some of the ways to handle, change, help and motivate a lazy husband.
12 Practical Tips To Deal With A Lazy Husband
As more and more women take to the working space and share financial responsibilities, they end up working double- managing a house and office. Just like everything else in life, here too, women have to take the lead. And the reason is simple. Men have never had it so good – the arrangement works comfortably for them, and they would not like to change a thing. So how do you change the situation and get your husband to do more? By following the below practical tips.
Lay your sarcasm, criticism, nagging, comments and other negative approaches to a side and speak to your husband in an affectionate manner. Convey him your frustrations and expectations, clearly underlining what you want from him. Do not expect him to read between the lines – men are pathetic at it. They will only hear what you say, and nothing beyond.
2. Ask for help
Once you have sensitized him about your needs and expectations, ask him for help. If he gives an excuse, counter with an alternative. Make a list of things you’d need his help with and ask him lovingly to do them when he is free. Asking respectfully and affectionately may yield much better and positive results than arguing.
No, he will not be as good as you at many things. You need to understand the difference between his and your degree of perfection. There could be a few loose ends to your expected levels, but ignore these trivial issues and compromise with his style and level of understanding. Never, ever redo something your husband has just done. No two people are alike and you should come to terms with this fact.
If your husband keeps on making excuses or finds some chores as mundane, you can negotiate the frequency or your role in those tasks. Lower your standards and expectations, else you will be bombarded with chores and he will walk away.
Appreciation works well or everyone. If your husband moves his lazy bum and does something, do show some love and affection. Shower him with phrases of appreciation when he does something to help you. If you keep on finding faults with everything he does, you will only widen the rift in your marriage. Remember, a behavior that is appreciated is likely to get repeated.
6. Kill the deadlines
Deadlines don’t work well with men. Tell your man what you need help with and give him the freedom. Threats may simply backfire- men are not wired to do a task in a time-frame. Let him take his own sweet time and be a mentor, not a teacher.
7. Don’t guilt trip
Are you someone who keeps on going back to things that did not go well in the past? Then you need to set aside this ‘ I will take you through a guilt trip right now’ attitude. Make healthy conversations, not ones in which future is not addressed and only past mistakes are being pointed at.
8. Be firm and assertive
Now, he may play some tricks on you too! A flower now or a peck on the cheek- but you need to be firm and assertive on getting the tasks done by him. Don’t raise your tones though – yelling will do you no good either. Play hard ball, and don’t let men take advantage of you.
9. Accept his ways
Everyone has a way to do things, and it cannot be said which way is the best if things are getting done. You need to accept his ways and not force him to adapt t yours. Else it will be “you want it done that way? So you do it!” You sure don’t want it this way. Be content with his ways and styles of helping you.
10. Never interfere
If your man is doing something, and he is doing it wrong, do not be tempted to suggest unless he asks for it. Let him take complete control over the task he is doing, and as long as he is doing it, stay out of the zone- even if you know it can be done better with some other technique. Till the time he gives up, keep your words to yourself.
11. Never compare
If you know a man who helps around the house and hold him as ideal, resist the temptation to compare. If you start taking names and quoting examples, your man may just lash out a 100 other things on you. Comparison never works for men and they may feel inadequate which can negatively impact their self-esteem.
12. Be a friend, not a taskmaster
In a marriage, it takes two to tango. When it comes to household chores and tasks, you need to be together there too. Shared experiences can even strengthen your bond and love. And if you seem to get impatient, hold onto your patience levels and understand that losing it won’t make your husband less lazier.
Do women divorce their lazy husbands?
A study was done in Norway according to which if a man does half the the housework experience higher divorce rate. Family where men spend time doing other stuff are well off when it comes to divorce.
A lazy husband can be worked upon and transformed into a helpful, involved family man – provided you use the right approaches at the right times. It will be struggle for a while when your husband realizes that his lazy days as a couch potato are coming to a close, but the result will be a staying equilibrium in your marriage and life. We hope the above tips can bring out the best in your relationship, and contribute to your happiness and peace at home.