Top 10 Tips for Shy Kids Parents

Why some children are shy

Many kids are shy. They hesitate to interact with others. They withdraw into a shelf. Even in adulthood they remain shy. This could affect their performance levels at school and in building up friends. They miss out on several opportunities.

Shyness is often part of a child’s nature from birth. Some babies react strongly to new faces and loud sounds right from the first year. That temperament stays with them. Other times shyness comes from experience, such as a change of school, teasing by classmates or a big move to a new city. Knowing which one you are dealing with helps you choose the right approach.

Shyness in children is definitely a problem, which needs to be tackled by parents. Parents need to take sometime off from their busy schedule and deal with the problem. After all, their child must not suffer in his or her later years. What can a parent do to encourage his child or her child to overcome shyness? Here are a few tips:

Practical tips for parents

How Parents Can Help Shy Kids? – Top 10 Tips for Shy Kids Parents

1. Identify the nature of the shyness of the child – The parent needs to identify the nature of the child’s shyness. Some may be afraid to act in public, or build up emotional ties with others. They may have problems in communicating non-verbally. Such problems need to be addressed by public.
2. Be a role mode to the child – The parent needs to be interactive himself or herself. The child picks up behavior patterns of the parent. If the child finds his or her parent very interactive, then they will also do the same.
3. Resolving problems creatively – The child need to be taught to solve problems by finding solutions. He or she need not get overwhelmed by problems. There is always a way out. Also having creative hobbies to understand one’s abilities is also good. It boosts self-esteem. Hobbies such as playing the piano, taking part in a play, singing a song in public can make child overcoming his or shyness.
4. Do not compare – It is better to avoid comparisons as the child will develop an inferiority complex and feel shy about mixing with others.
5. Boost the confidence levels of child – It is better to make the child feel good about him or herself. The child’s confidence levels need to be high. Saying nice things about him or her builds a positive self-esteem in him or her. He or she will feel very sure of himself or herself while associating with others. Vivacious and outgoing people are generally very sure of their abilities and talents.
6. Etiquette needs to be taught – The child needs to develop manners while associating with others. He or she needs to be polite and courteous. Words such as “Thank you” “Good morning” etc. must be used.
7. Mock presentations – The child needs to be encouraged to sing or recite a poem in front of others. One can call his or her friends and neighbors and have mock presentations to let him or her overcome shyness.
8. Help the child to cope up with a situation – It is important to help a child in handling a given situation by encouraging him or her and giving suggestions and advice. The child needs to feel that he or she can handle a situation. Assign chores to them, set targets which they can reach etc. Also they can play games which will boost their self-esteem.
9. Approach school authorities – One can have a frank talk with school authorities to ensure that the child can overcome his or her shyness at school. The child needs to be encouraged to mix around with other classmates and not hesitate to participate in the class.
10. Professional help – Seek professional help in case you are not able to make a child get over his or her shyness. They could be psychological reasons for the child not associating with his or her peer. Counseling helps.

Start small and build up

Big situations rarely work first. A birthday party with thirty children will only push a shy child further into a corner. Start with one friend at home for an hour. Then two friends. Then a small group outside. Each easy win makes the next step feel possible. This slow ladder works better than any pep talk.

Practise before the moment

Shy children freeze because they do not know what to say. Give them the words in advance. Practise ordering their own ice cream. Practise saying hello to a teacher. Practise asking a classmate to play. Say it out loud at home two or three times. Once the sentence is ready in their head, the fear drops a lot.

Mistakes parents should avoid

• Do not call the child shy in front of others. Labels stick and children start living up to them.
• Do not answer on their behalf every time. Wait a few seconds. Let them try.
• Do not push them into the middle of a crowd to toughen them up. It usually backfires.
• Do not tease or laugh about it, even lightly.
• Do not praise only the result. Praise the effort of trying.

Shyness or something more?

Shyness is a normal trait, not a fault. Many shy children grow into thoughtful and observant adults. But sometimes the fear runs deeper than shyness. Watch for these signs.

• The child refuses school regularly
• Stomach aches or headaches before every social event
• Crying or panic in ordinary group settings
• No friends at all over a long period
• The child speaks freely at home but not a word outside for months

If these last for several months and get in the way of daily life, speak to a paediatrician or a child counsellor. Early support makes a big difference.

Parents need to help a shy child to relate better to others by encouraging him or her to participate in events, get-together and mingle with others more freely and comfortably. They can set an example by being outgoing and interactive themselves.

Frequently asked questions

At what age does shyness usually show up?

Stranger anxiety is normal between six months and three years. Shyness that continues past the early school years is more about temperament.

Will my child grow out of it?

Many do, at least partly. With gentle practice most shy children become comfortable in familiar settings, even if they stay quiet in large groups.

Is shyness the same as introversion?

No. A shy child wants company but feels afraid. An introverted child simply prefers smaller groups and quiet time, and is quite happy that way.

Should I force my child to greet guests?

Forcing rarely helps. A wave or a smile is a fair first step. Praise that small effort and build from there.