Contrary to popular opinion, retirement is one of the most stressful times in life. This is because life is based on a social status that is dependent on what people do for society, and therefore how society regards them. Once retired, the same people who were once contributors to society are sometimes seen by that same society as being parasitic: consuming but not producing. This is nonsense. Retirement is simply payback time; there should be no guilt. These expected fourteen years for men and twenty-three for women have been earned, so what the newly retired should concentrate on is how to enjoy them to the full and reduce any post-retirement stress.
Dealing with employment grief
Strange as it might seem, retirement is another precipitator of grief. As in any grief response, the feelings of gloom and hopelessness are exaggerated in the sufferer’s mind. The loss in retirement is not of an individual but of an established way of life, and with it, a feeling that the retired person is no longer contributing to society. Few people like to be parasitic, nor do they welcome losing status. They cannot help but notice that no longer does the retired senior partner or chief executive receive the deference that he still feels his past opinions have earned. He is over-sensitive, feels that he is ‘yesterday’s man’, and fears that all those kind remarks at his retirement party will soon be forgotten – that he will not, in fact, ‘always be welcome back in the office’. He (or increasingly, she) knows his fate. The annual pensioner’s lunch -if there is one – will soon be the only association with the old firm.
Of course, these feelings on retirement are not universal. Many people have been genuinely looking forward to it and never have a moment to spare in their new busy lives, but I have seen patients who have aged ten years during the first year of retirement. Stripped of their confidence, they look and behave like beaten people. Many retired people have genuine specific worries. Nearly all dread being bored. Most won’t be, but these are usually the ones who have prepared for retirement and not just let it creep up on them.
Avoid Boredom and eliminate Stress
To affect the change, plan so that boredom isn’t a problem. Try and retire gradually. There is a good case for either retiring very young (say, fifty-five) or very late: say, in the seventies. Those who retire young shouldn’t go from a busy, stressful life to doing nothing. If they do, then the boredom that results will be even more stressful than the old job.
You must also retain your independence to get rid of post-retirement stress. After years of having separate daytime lives, a husband and wife shouldn’t expect suddenly to do everything together. It is tragic to see the former chief executive reduced to the role of bag-carrier on shopping expeditions or chauffeur to grandchildren’s parties.
If young enough, develop new ambitions so that life isn’t stripped of purpose, intention and motivation. Work for charity, but remember that charities are changing and a degree of professionalism is now needed. Some people swap the role of chief executive of an important company for being a junior executive in a less important charity. While the wish to be useful is admirable, this can cause life to be even more stressful than it once was. Instead, try to develop a hobby such as bird watching, playing music, or joining the golf club. This is not the placebo for the busyness that it sounds; your longevity and your freedom from diseases such as Alzheimer’s may depend on the maintenance of a good social life where different people meet regularly in a mutually enjoyable activity.
Give structure to your life. Don’t spend half the morning in bed and then make the only gainful activity of the day going out to buy the lettuce for lunch. Get up at the same time as the rest of the world dress and wash as you did previously, have an organized lunch and dinner. Plan holidays as you would have done if you were still working.
You should also plan your income and expenditure at the beginning of each year, leaving a margin for unexpected events. This has to be detailed, and those who have an appreciable pension should do this with the help of an accountant. As you are no longer in a position to earn more money, you must keep to this rigid schedule. At the same time, the accountant should also make an estimate, no more than that may be possible, as to how income and expenditure will change for the subsequent year so that this may be taken into account. The days when a pension was big enough to leave a person as well-off as when working have passed.
