Why Men Abandon Women

Men abandon women without any feelings of remorse and give flimsy reasons for it. Women are left in the lurch and have to fend for themselves. In the developing countries, many women face this problem and since they are economically dependent upon their spouses, they face a lot of hardships. Men abandon women as they lose interest in them, or go in for a younger woman or simply fall in love again. Women who are overbearing, too demanding and neglect their marriages are unable to “hang” on to their man.

Men abandon women when they fail to meet up to their expectations. Marriages break down, when the woman is no more understanding and tries to dictate terms to her husband. Love ceases to be there in such a relationship and both the husband and wife are unable to meet each others’ demands. A relationship that goes sour can force a man to find another woman, and generally men have tendency to look at another woman even if they are married. The “roving eye” can lead on a man to find another woman for himself, if he is not satisfied with the existing one. He simply abandons her for another. Why is this so?

Reasons for Men Leaving Women

Below are some of the top reasons why a man leaves woman –

• A woman loses out on her partner due to her jealous nature. She often starts suspecting her partner and gets quite paranoid about it. This can annoy her spouse or boyfriend, who may decide to terminate the relationship
• A man discards a woman who fails to understand him and seeks the company of another who can appreciate his feelings and sentiments. A man needs a companion in whom he can confide
• If a man gets attracted to another woman he may abandon the woman he is presently involved with. He may go in for a younger woman or more “sexier” woman. Whatever may be the reason he takes interest in another woman with whom he wants to build up a relationship. In such situation, he has no qualms about abandoning the woman he is involved with, be it a wife or a girlfriend
• A woman who neglects her marriage also gets abandoned. A marriage must be kept alive. A woman must continue to look after herself, take care of her looks and health. She should not lose out on her charm as otherwise her husband will find another woman more attractive. She must not take her marriage for granted
• Overbearing woman also face problems. Men do not like to be dominated or dictated terms to. They abandon such women
• A woman who becomes a “bore” also gets abandoned. She should be always be interesting and lively. The husband or boyfriend should be interested in her conversation, in everything she does and should seek her company always
• Dumb women also get abandoned. A man after awhile tends to latch on to a more interesting woman. He may entertain a ” sexy” woman, but eventually he would like his partner to be knowledgeable as well
• Men do not like their women to depend too much upon them. Women who are highly dependent face resentment from their spouses and are often set-aside for another more independent woman. These days due to economic pressures men like a woman who can also share the financial burden of the household.

The reasons that have nothing to do with her

The list above looks at the relationship side. But a large share of cases have no connection with the woman’s behaviour at all. Some men leave because of their own affairs, gambling or debt. Some walk out when a wife falls ill or when a child is born with a disability. Some go abroad for work and simply stop returning calls. Dowry demands from the man’s family are behind many abandonments in South Asia. In such cases no amount of charm or effort would have changed the outcome. It is important to say this plainly, because women who are left often spend years asking what they did wrong when the answer is nothing.

Warning signs a marriage is in trouble

• Money moves quietly, such as accounts closed or property transferred to relatives
• Long unexplained absences and a phone that is always face down
• Sudden interest in her documents, jewellery or bank papers
• Family members begin to hint that the marriage may not last
• She is cut off from her own parents, friends and money
• Blame for everything, so that she starts doubting her own judgement

Noticing these early buys time. Time is what allows a woman to prepare instead of react.

What to do if you have been abandoned

The first weeks feel like a fog. Practical steps help more than anything else in that period.

• Keep proof. Save messages, call records, transfer receipts and the date he left.
• Open a bank account in your own name if you do not have one.
• Collect your documents. Marriage certificate, identity papers, children’s school and birth records, property papers.
• Note down household expenses. This becomes useful if you claim maintenance.
• Tell two people you trust. Isolation makes everything harder.
• Speak to a lawyer early, even for one consultation. Many places offer free legal aid.

Legal rights worth knowing

This varies by country and by personal law, so treat it as a starting point and confirm with a lawyer. In India a wife who is unable to maintain herself can claim maintenance from her husband, and this applies whether or not a divorce case has been filed. The Protection of Women from Domestic Violence Act also covers economic neglect and gives a woman the right to reside in the shared household. Desertion for a continuous period is itself a ground for divorce. Free legal aid is available through the District Legal Services Authority in every district. Women’s helplines run in most states and can point you to shelters, counsellors and legal support.

Rebuilding after abandonment

Money and confidence usually need attention at the same time. Both take months, not days.

• Look for skill training programmes. Many are free through government schemes and NGOs.
• Start with any earning, even small. It restores control faster than waiting for the right job.
• Keep a simple monthly budget so you know exactly where you stand.
• Join a group, a class or a community activity. Routine and company matter.
• Consider counselling. Being left shakes self worth badly and talking to a professional helps.
• Do not rush into a new relationship to prove something. Give yourself time.

Abandoned women face economic and social hardships as they are forced to earn their living and lead the life of a single woman. Due to their suspicious nature, lack of interest in the marriage, and excessive dependency on their partners, they tend to lose out on their partner.

Frequently asked questions

Is abandonment a ground for divorce?

In most systems yes. Desertion for a set period, often two years, is recognised as a ground. Check the law that applies to your marriage.

Can a woman claim maintenance if she is earning?

It depends on the income of both sides and the standard of living during the marriage. A lawyer can assess it properly.

What if he has left the country?

Cases can still be filed. Courts have dealt with such matters for years, and embassies and legal aid bodies can advise on the next steps.

Where can a woman get help quickly?

Women’s helplines, the district legal services authority and local NGOs are the usual first points of contact. Many run free counselling as well.